beat 11
(The Doctor enters.)
Doctor Graziano! You look a trifle piquéd!
Can't you tell the difference between "a trifled piquéd" and thoroughly enraged?
What's happened?
I've been robbed!
Robbed! No!
Robbed, yes! And bamboozled!
Ah! You've been dealing with Signior Pantalone.
That miser!
That liar!
That malignant miscreant!
That vile and vicious votary of villainy!!
Say! That's got a nice ring to it. Vile and..
Tell me what happened.
Pantalone refused to pay me for saving his miserable life.
No?
Yes!
That ungrateful curmudgeon!
Without my brilliant diagnosis... When I protested, he called me a charleron and threw me out of the house!
No!
Yes! But have no fear. I will be revenged! Terribly revenged!
You certainly will.
I will?
Of course. I'll help you.
You will?
Could I stand by and see a man of your skill and reputation wickedly bamboozled? Could I?
You couldn't.
Would I be able to draw another breath knowing that my revered friend, an esteemed member of his noble profession, had been so humiliatingly affronted? Would I?
You wouldn't!
Of course not!
But... what can we do?
I'm glad you asked!
You have a plan?
This will take some thought.
I have it!
That was quick!
It's risky.
It is?
Very!
Now that I think on it I may be overreacting. Perhaps I ought to reconsider any plan for vengeance. It might have been Divine Intervention!
You're getting cold feet.
Not at all. Not at all.
I thought you wanted "terrible revenge".
But... my reputation. I have to consider my faultless reputation. A scandal could ruin me. We'd better just the whole matter drop.
THE SUDDEN AND MYSTERIOUS DEATH OF Chez-aray Sala-deeny!!
What!!
THE UNSOLVED POISONING OF CARDINAL Raspy-vochy!!!
What are you saying? What do you mean?
Why, Doctor, the color seems to have drained from your face.
It's.... nothing. Nothing! Just a touch of...
GUILT?
Yes. I mean NO! I don't know what you're talking about.
Forgive me, honorable friend. For a moment I seemed to recollect your involvement in those murders.
ACCIDENTS. They were accidents. Tragic Accidents.
Of course. Accidents. Now, can we get back to the plan for avenging your honor?
I see. Blackmail!!
Such an ugly word from such an honorable man.
I won't be blackmailed.
Then you'll do exactly as you're told!
Of course.
I seem to recall, among other things, thst before entering the medical profession you spent five years as a priest in a Spanish monastary...
You know everything!
Everything that will get me through the convolutions of this insane plot!
I was a priest.
Once a priest always a priest?
In my case, yes.
Then you're still able, with the sanction of Mother Church, to join couples in the holy bond of matrimony?
Yes. I suppose so.
Good! I want you to perform a simple, binding ceremony tomorrow at sunrise, here on the piazza.
What, may I ask, has this to do with my revenge on Pantalone?
Everything! Listen. My master, Leandro, is in love with Columbina. the ward of Don Poccolino Pizzi-Cacci (spit).
The sleazy Don demands a dowery of one thousand ducats for the hand of his ward in marriage. Pantalone, who has been drooling over Columbina since she was born, can easily pay the money which my master couldn't possibly raise by tomorrow. which is the appointed time of the ceremony. my plan is to let the marriage proceed, with one minor deception. I intend to dress Harlequino in Columbina's wedding gown.
Harlequino?
You're following right alone. Under all those bridal veils, Pantalone won't know who he's marrying. The length of the ceremony will give Leandro and Columbina ample time to make their escape.
What happens to the dowery?
Doesn't our law require rhat the priest performing the marriage hold the dowery during the ceremony?
Why... I believe it does.
When Don Poccolino discovers rhe hoax he'll drop dead on the spit. The dowery automatically becomes tithe to the church. Of course we'll split it between us.
Of course.
Everyrhing the Don owns will pass immediately to Columbina and she and Leandro will live... wealthily ever after!
What about Pantalone and Harlequino?
I'm sure they'll be very happy together!
And what about me?
You'll be disguised as a priest. No one will recognize you. During the mayhem, which is sure to follow when the hoax is revealed, you can slip away undetected!
You know, I love this plan.
You know, I thought you would.
What a pleasure to see the old miser finally get what's coming to him. I will personally...
I hate to interrupt such a well deserved gloat but would you mind doing it elsewhere? I still have to convince Harlequino of my plan and its possible that we may be seen here talking.
I'll go home and gloat in my garden.
Good. Find a clever disguise and return here tomorrow at sunrise.
You'll never recognize me.
Remember, If anyone discovers the plan, you're a ruined man!
Why, you miserable..
Yes. Yes! Now, be off.