Chapter 14 soc psych
Secret relationships:
Excitement increases because time and energy are spent suppressing the desire to talk about it.
Factors that influence attraction include:
*Physical attractiveness
*Similarity
*Proximity
We prefer objects/people we find attractive. This can be seen in the:
*Person we decide to date
*Car we buy
*Clothes we wear
*Infants prefer pictures of attractive people
*People from diverse backgrounds and cultures often agree on what is physically attractive
The benefits of physical attractiveness…
*Physically attractive people experience benefits:
*More likely to be hired for a job
*Higher starting salary
*Bigger raises
*Job security
Why does physical attractiveness lead to attraction?
Biological explanations
*We prefer physical features that indicate health and reproductiveness:
*Symmetrical face, well-proportioned body
*Attractiveness stimulates the reward center of the brain
*What people find beautiful is fairly consistent:
*Prominent cheekbones
*Thin eyebrows
*Big eyes
Why does physical attractiveness lead to attraction? Socio-psychological explanations
*Associating with attractive people could lead to social profit
*“What is beautiful is good” stereotype
*Attractive people tend to have better social skills
*Attractive people have more desirable traits:
*Less lonely
*Less Anxious
*More popular
*More sexually experienced
*Smarter
Evolutionary perspective... men vs women
*Evolutionary Psychology: Men and women find different things attractive in a mate to maximize reproductive success.
*Men: Want to spread genes as much as possible (many partners)
*Women: Look for men with high levels of education and well-paying jobs
Critiques of evolutionary perspective…
*Gender differences in preferences are more pronounced when you ask about short-term
dating (vs. long-term dating)
*Short term, both prefer physical attractiveness in a mate
*Both prefer androgynous dating partners
*Both prefer feminine characteristics (vs. masculine) in a dating partner
gain loss theory
Gain loss thoery= we are likely to like people more who we have a gain situation with.
Gain= People who don't like us then like us later we tend to like more than people who just liked us in the beginning.
Loss= Someone who likes is then don't, we tend to dislike them more
Desperate=
the more desperate we are the more desirable people loook to us…
V.T.A=
ventral technician area
CN=
caudate nucleus
Love on the brain:
the brain in love gets a serge of activity and VTA and CN get a serge of dopamine
Contrast effect- How attraction we find someone depends on who we compare them too
*Men who look at Playboy centerfolds then rate their partners as low in attractiveness
*Men’s commitment to their relationship decreases after they see a group of attractive women
*Women’s commitment to their relationship decreases after they see a group of dominant men
Simalairty…
We like people who are similar to us in...
*Attitudes
*Values
*Interests
*Demographic characteristics
Matching hypothesis
We tend to seek partners who are at roughly our level of physical attractiveness.
Complementarity-
*People are not generally attracted to those who are fundamentally different from themselves
*Qualities in a partner that differ from one’s quality are initially arousing and exciting, but
can later be strongly disliked
Self-evaluation Maintenance Model (SEM):
Our self-concept can be threatened if our friends or partner outperform us.
Reciprocity:
We are attracted to people we think are attracted to us
*Having someone like you more over time can lead to especially strong feelings of attraction
*Believing someone likes you can lead to greater self-disclosure over time
Playing hard to get:
Works for dating, but not for pursuing a long-term relationship
Complementary hypthosis=
We like people with different needs than us
Fatal attraction=
the very same qualities we found attractive are going to repel us from that person now.
Four theories about love:
*Triangular theory
*Love styles theory
*Arousal-attribution theory
*Reward Theory
3 Components of Love:
*Passion: Deep physical attraction, sexual desire, constant thoughts about the person
*Intimacy: Deep liking and emotional closeness
*Commitment: Responsibility and connection
Absent love=
none
Liking love=
only intimacy
passion love
only passion
empty love
only commitment
romantic love
intimacy and passion
fatus love
passion and commitement
consummate love
all three
list Six distinct love styles:
*Eros (passionate love)
*Ludus (uncommitted love)
*Storge (friendship love)
*Pragma (practical love)
*Mania (obsessive love)
*Agape (selfless love)
*Excitation transfer:
we have two situations, situation A and situation B. Situation A’s arousal transfers to situation B, so you find situation B more attractive.
Passionate love:
Intense, exciting, all-consuming type of love; includes constant thoughts about the person, powerful physical attraction, and intense communication.
*Passionate feelings increase when we are aroused
Social exchange theory-
self is the primary motivator, we are always trying to maximize benefits and have lower costs.
Two types of comparison:
Comparison level- we walk into a relationship with standards and if they are met we are satisfied.
Comparison level alternitive= if we think we can do better we will try to
Reward theory…
We like the people who are present when we experience reward (i.e., Classical Conditioning)
Operant conditioning… if it produces a desirable consequence we are more likely to repeat it.
Why does love matter?
*Being in love makes us feel better about ourselves
*Higher self-esteem and self-efficacy
*Developing loving close relationships is also good for our physical well-being
Arousal attribution model= to feel love there must be two factors
1. must be physically aroused
2. must attribute this arousal to a person
*Attachment Styles:
Expectations a person has about a relationship partner, based largely on
the person’s early experiences with his/her caregivers
Positive Illusions:
We tend to see our romantic partners as well as our relationships as highly idealized ways
Secure Attachment bond:
Parents are responsive to the child’s needs; the child feels comfortable depending on parents and is comfortable exploring new situations.
*Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment:
Parents’ responsiveness to their child’s needs is inconsistent; the child desires intimacy but has difficulty trusting and relying on others
Avoidant Attachment:
Parents are consistently unavailable and may even be dismissive or rejecting; the child does not need or desire close relationships
Attachment styles are associated with strategies for managing conflict:
People who are securely attached are:
*Less anger-prone
*Endorse more constructive anger goals
*Report more adaptive responses and more positive affect in anger episodes
*Attribute less hostile intent to others
*Expect more positive outcomes
Insecure Attachment style:
Difficulty managing conflict
*More negative attributions for partner’s behavior (leads to poorer communication)
*Greater physiological stress reactions to conflict
Investment=
the more time and effort we put into a relationship the more likely we will be to stick around even when it isn't working.
Equity thoery=
we will not be motivated by self-interest, we are motivated by fairness.
Exchange realtionships=
if im doing something for you I have a strong expectation you will give me something in return or giving back.
Communal realtionships=
I am helping you because I care about you and want to
Positive illusions…
*We tend to see ourselves in an overly positive light
*We extend these idealized self-views to our relationships and our partners
*We see our romantic partners as particularly attractive and intelligent
*We describe our relationships as better than others
Why positive illusions can be good…
*May minimize conflict
*Ignore or devalue other potential partners
The downside of positive illusions-
*Dating couples experience greater satisfaction when their partner sees them in an idealized way
*But, married couples are happiest when their spouse sees them as they see themselves
*Can lead to greater disappointment when these high expectations do not pan out
Social norm approach
We like those who follow the social norms we value.
Exchange relationships:
Colleagues, acquaintances, distant relatives
*Benefits are given with the expectation of comparable benefits in return
-Cost line
(maximum point for giving a benefit)
Strategies for increasing relationship satisfaction:
*Increase the number of rewarding and positive behaviors in the relationship
*Engage in new, arousing activities with your partner to maintain relationship excitement over
time
*Remember: Relationships can be very rewarding, but they require a lot of attention and energy to maintain
What are common problems in social relationships?
Jealousy
*Men are more jealous imagining their partner flirting with a self-confident versus a physically attractive person
*Women are more jealous imagining their partner flirting with a physically attractive versus a self-confident person
Other common problems in close relationships:
*Conflict
*Loneliness
*Relationship dissolution
Conflict-
*Married couples have an average of 2 to 3 disagreements per month
*People handle relationship conflicts in very different ways
*How we handle conflict is a major predictor of relationship satisfaction and longevity
Four major types of responses we use in handling conflict:
*Voice: Talking things over with partner to try to solve the conflict
*Neglect: Giving up on the relationship and withdrawing from it emotionally
*Exit: Leaving the relationship
*Loyalty: Remaining committed to the relationship and waiting for things to get better
Four styles of conflict that are destructive in a marriage:
*Criticism: Complaining about your spouse/the relationship
*Contempt: Act as if sickened/repulsed by your partner
*Defensiveness: Protection of the self
*Stonewalling: Emotional withdrawal and refusal to participate in the conversation
*Demand/withdraw interaction pattern: One partner is critical, nagging, and insistent on discussing the problem; the other is withdrawn, silent, and defensive
Negative attributional traps:
Explaining a partner’s behavior in negative ways
Strategies for effective conflict resolution-
Try to understand your partner’s point of view: Put yourself in his/her shoes
*Apologize and forgive
Evolutionary psychology:
Jealousy is an adaptation to the different reproductive issues
faced by men versus women
*Men’s main concern is their partner’s sexual infidelity because they could end up raising another man’s child
*Women’s main concern is their partner’s emotional infidelity because men who are emotionally involved with a different partner could devote resources to this new relationship
-Gender differences in jealousy may be due to different expectations men and women have
about the pairings of emotional and sexual infidelity
*Evolutionary research uses hypothetical scenarios
*Interpretation of physiological results is difficult
Social loneliness:
Lack of close others; no social network
Emotional loneliness:
Lack of a romantic partner
*Consequences of loneliness include lowered immune competence, high blood pressure, high levels of stress hormones
3 factors contribute to loneliness:
*Poor social skills
*Negative self-views
*Negative expectations
Lonely people generally have
negative self-views
*Experience negative emotions: anxiety, depression, shyness
*Have trouble trusting others and fear intimacy
*Lonely people show greater accuracy in remembering negative feedback about themselves
The negative impact of divorce,
*Children of divorced parents often experience:
*Higher conflict in their marriage
*More negative attitudes toward marriage
*The Decreased likelihood of being in a close relationship
*Divorce is disruptive to children’s lives:
*Changes family’s economic status
*Adjusting to living in a single-parent home
*Divorce may lead children to develop negative beliefs about relationships
Post-breakup…
*After a break-up, people with secure attachment experience less distress than those with anxious or avoidant attachment
*Children of divorced parents report more positive relationships with their mothers, greater social support, more independence
*Other positives:
*Gain self-confidence
*Know what want and what do not want in a relationship
*Time and effort can be devoted to other endeavors (e.g., friends, schoolwork)
Culture impacts our views about attraction and close relationships, including:
*The definition of beauty
*The nature of love
*Definitions of friendship
Individualistic cultures:
Love is an important component of marriage
*Emphasize personal fulfillment in marriage
*Focus on the impact of individual factors such as personality and attractiveness on relationship
satisfaction
*Collectivistic cultures emphasize the importance of intimacy across a network
*Family approval of the relationship influences commitment to the relationship
People in individualistic cultures
are more willing to dissolve a marriage that is not working
*This is because the primary goal of marriage is the happiness and fulfillment of the spouses
In collectivistic cultures
marriage is a way to join two families together; the happiness of the spouses are less important
Bad communication-
-Demand and withdrawal
-Tit for tat, huerl insluts back at your partner
-criticism
-contempt, we look down at your partner
-defensiveness
-stonewalling
How can we make a relationship better…
-being there for each other an equal amount
-respect each other
-each has higher self esteem